got 2 jokes for ya :D

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,

his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, ‘Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,

I know you’ll forgive me.’

She replies, ‘If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 221..’

—————————————————

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, ‘Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.’

‘I know,’ the old man said. ‘We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.’

‘Well,’ Granny snickered. ‘Let’s relive some old times.’

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

‘You know, honey,’ the little old lady breathlessly replied, ‘My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.’

‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ replied Gramps. ‘One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

I’m at @bullfrogmedia.

A guy walks into a store and says he’s going to rob it.

Robber: Give me all your money or you’re geography!

Store Clerk: You mean, history.

Robber: Don’t change the subject!

Really bad designer joke coming up. :)

What is the type designer’s favorite breakfast?

Kern flakes!

Your wife is so jealous, when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on your jacket she yelled, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!”

Chuck Norris doesn’t need twitter, he’s already following you!!! XD

“You’re Nuttier than Squirrel Poo!”

joke:
What type of diabetes is a graphic designer most likely to get diagnosed with?
Type 1

What kind of relationships do graphic designers prefer?
The open type

cheers XD

Just followed FF, fb, and RSS.

As for my joke:
Sherlock Holmes and Watson went on a camping trip. After setting up the tent and having a good meal, they lay down for the night. A few hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you deduce.”

Watson pondered for a moment and replied, “I see millions and millions of stars…Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.”

Completed task assignments FF/Twttr/RSS(!!)

Oh, and How do you make a witch itch? — take away her W

Thanks… @Sparting

Already following on twitter.

I never win anything probably because I almost never try. But since the jokes here are great I filled in everything required and repay with one joke. So here it goes (may include vulgar language – you have been warned) :

THE COMPLETE SHIT LITERATURE

THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there’s no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there’s no shit on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don’t ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happenes when you’ve finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as “Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit”. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and > practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that’s so enormous you’re afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE NORORIUS DRINKER SHIT The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking.

It’s most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the > toilet bowl after you flush.

THE “GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT” SHIT- The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

THE WET CHEEKS SHIT Also known as the “Power Dump”. That’s the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE LIQUID SHIT That’s the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt,

splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, > chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT A class all its own.

THE CROWD PLEASER This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to

show it to someone before flushing.

THE MOOD ENHANCER This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby > allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with > the aid of a newspaper.

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations. >

THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity > within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE “HONEYMOON’S OVER” SHIT This is any shit created in the presence of another person. > >

THE GROANER A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. > >

THE FLOATER Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to > resurface after many flushings.

THE RANGER A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in

a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to > push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM SHIT This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to > putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT Now you see it, now you don’t. This shit is playing games with you. > Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you > are nowhere near shitting facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position – usually harmless.

THE OLYMPIC SHIT This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker’s Shit.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the

woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from

God when you actually CAN’T shit.

PREMEDITATED SHIT Laxative induced. Doesn’t count.

SHITZOPHERENIA Fear of shitting – can be fatal!

ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT Also known as a “Still Going” shit.

THE POWER DUMP SHIT The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when > you’re done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)

THE SPINAL TAP SHIT The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you’d swear it’s got to be coming out sideways.

THE “I THINK I’M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE” SHIT Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

THE PORRIDGE SHIT The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two chooces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. >

THE “I’M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER” SHIT When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE “I THINK I’M TURNING INTO A BUNNY” SHIT When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE “WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?” SHIT Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don’t warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.

THE “I JUST KNOW THERE’S A TURN STILL DANGLING THERE” SHIT Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it’s going to smear all over the place.